Show up, show up, show up

There will be days where I’m tired. Days where my mind urges me to stay home, in my pjs, eating chocolate, lounging like a lazy potato on my couch, while Netflix binging. Days where I’d rather sleep than sweat for two hours. Days where putting on my gear feels like climbing Mount Everest. Days where I doubt my abilities all together, and start rethinking this whole derby career dream/fantasy. Can I really do this? 

Unless I’m in absolute physical pain, and need serious rest to recharge my exhausted batteries for the sake of my health and wellbeing, I know that my mind telling me to skip practice is bullcrap. 

I can rationalize all I want that not showing up is actually a good idea. I can catch up on stuff I couldn’t do because derby is taking so much of my free time. I can pretend that missing practice will actually make me better because you know, rest and all… I don’t feel that burned out but better play it safe than sorry, right? I’m an expert at sabotaging myself. I lie to myself and really believe my own bullcrap. 

It’s during those moments that I must show up. I must fight the negative Nancy voice and get my ass to practice. The butterflies still run wild in my stomach upon showing up, but I fight the fear and put on my skates. 

As soon as I start rolling, I’m free. I know coming here was the right thing to do. I know I will feel better after two hours of hard work. I won’t beat myself up. I will learn something new. I will laugh and hang out with women who probably have all the excuses in the world not to show up… Yet they’re here by my side. We’re in this together.

Together we grow. Together we perform. Together we achieve things we couldn’t do without each other. 

If we all stopped showing up at once, there would be no practice. There would be no derby. There would be no fun. 

By showing up, I help myself as much as I help my league. I show up not only for me but for the name in the front of my jersey. 

I also show up because I can’t live without roller derby. I show up because I don’t have room for regrets. I show up because I love to skate. I show up because I want to kick ass and get my ass kicked. I want to laugh, I want to hustle, I want to play. I show up because I want to see my friends. I show up because I said I’d be there on teamsnap. 

I show up because I know there will be a day where I can’t show up anymore. 

I show up and make the best of it. Today. 

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